like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
