I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
