I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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