The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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