And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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