Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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