If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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