Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
