I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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