yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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