just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Randomize