So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How does one acquire holy water?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
