is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
