she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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