She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
