On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
