I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
