i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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