yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
