this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
