So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
