GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
