We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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