Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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