Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize