You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
