He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
