Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize