'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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