I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
