u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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