i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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