Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
True strength comes from lack of pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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