thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
