ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
