I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
