So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize