Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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