Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
