He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My bed smells like the plague
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
