his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
should my penis look like a turkey
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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