I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
