Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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