You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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