I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
