Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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