she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
