he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
