yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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