who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize