how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
