Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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