I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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