I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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