If that was your dad, he is hot
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize