STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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