Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my shit smells like andre
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
