we made out on top of his cat.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
