Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
