Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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