all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
