Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
