...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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