I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
