dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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