There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
