people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
