jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
