i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
