My liver just broke up with me...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
